The Year My Sister Died

The year my sister was dying, I learned more about living that ever before.

As kids, we would fight and argue all the time, yet we were best friends. We would drive our mother to her wits end with our orneriness. The farm we grew up on was the perfect place for us to grow up. As we grew up, married, and had children, we grew apart a bit. There was even a smidgen of competition between us. She was terrible with money and seemed to always need more. This became an issue with some family members. Then she and her husband divorced, and the money struggles continued. Then that terrible day happened when she was diagnosed with terminal cancer at age 47. I was devastated and determined to find a cure for her. We tried both conventional and some not-so-conventional treatments. Nothing worked, and a year later we buried my sister.

During that year I spent trying to keep my sister alive, I learned more about life and living than I ever thought possible. I always measured people by how successful they were financially. I certainly did all I knew to do to be successful. I didn’t always succeed, but that was my focus. When my sister’s medical bills were stacking up, family members were fearful of expenses, but my sister seemed to rise above all this garbage. She accepted her plight with grace. She never focused on her illness by complaining, and most amazingly, she was always, and I mean always, more concerned about others than about herself.

I wasn’t able to find a cure for her, but she found one for me. She taught me the value of caring like I never knew. She taught me that money wasn’t nearly as important as healthy relationships and how we treat people, especially the less fortunate. Yes, my sister certainly gave me a good lesson in life the year she was dying. I hope I’m passing this marvelous legacy on to others.

Doug
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4 comments (Add your own)

1. Kamie wrote:
I always remember Charlotte as loving life and caring about others. What a beautiful way to be remembered.

February 5, 2009 @ 7:32 PM

2. Mike wrote:
Beautiful! As Yogi said, it's not over til it's over. An illness shouldn't keep us from caring.

February 6, 2009 @ 2:12 PM

3. Doretta wrote:
Sorry to hear about your sister. Memories are love letters of the past. They are truly gold. Read them over and over in your mind. Draw from them whenever you need them. What a blessing to have a sister who left you with such a bountiful supply. Only God knows why our prayers aren't always answered like we want them to be. We can only trust in Him and rely on Him.

February 16, 2009 @ 2:51 PM

4. Connie wrote:
Dear Doug,



My sister Freda died May 2, 2008. She had metastatic melanoma, which there is no treatment or cure for, but I did the same thing as you. I spent countless nights online reading medical papers (absorbing about ½ of the doctorspeak) but getting the gist. Up until about 3 weeks before she passed I was obsessive about saving her.



I was lucky. I was on my way to visit her at home when I got a call from my mother telling me to hurry that they didn’t think she’d last the night. When I got there, she woke up & I was the last person she spoke to. Well, I spoke as she could not, but I told her I loved her.



She died at 2:05 a.m. surrounded by her husband, three kids, myself, my mother & my sister Kathy. I still cannot believe she is gone. There were always us 5, Connie, Kathy, Freda, Paul & Marty. Now we are four. It’s over a year now, and we adjust & deal, etc. But my brother Paul has become despondent & we can’t get him to get help.



Just want you to know that your story touched my heart.



Connie

October 9, 2009 @ 11:30 AM

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